LIVE LAUGH LOVE

i don't know if there is a right and wrong way to grieve. i just know that losing you has gutted me in a way i honestly didn't think was possible. i've felt pain i didn't think was human.
at times, it has made me lose my mind.
at times, it has nearly broken me.

but i'm happy to say that now i'm stronger than i ever knew. i have found meaning in my life that i never would have guessed and i'm surprising myself once again by realising that i am ready to move forward.

i once thought grief was chronic, that all you could do was appreciate the good days and take them along with the bad. and then i started to think that maybe the good days aren't just days; maybe the good days can be good weeks, good months, good years.

sometimes i don't think i'm capable of forgetting you but i do think i can put the pain down.

i cannot carry your loss on my back anymore. if i do, i'll never find any new joy for myself. i will crumble under the weight of your memory.
i have to look forward, into a future where you cannot be, instead of back, to a past filled if what we had.

i truly believe that if i work hard, i can have the sort of life for myself that I've always wanted for. a happy life. a satisfied life. where i am loved and i love in return.

im so sorry that we never got the future we talked about.

im going out into the world with an open heart now and I'm going to go wherever life takes me.